Scary times

They say when it rains, it pours... Well, things have certainly been bogged down in our family lately. And, by our family, I don't mean my immedicate husband-child relations. It just seems to me that one should never get too big in the britches, because life can throw some big time lemons in your direction...

Prayer has definitely helped and scripture too. Somehow, the right words always seem to find me. The sky can only be gray for so long...

Our son came through surgery with flying colors and seems to be doing MUCH better, so one can only be grateful for small mercies. Now, we need to get used to the ins and outs of parenting the small nation known as two-year-old Kai.

:-)

Faith

There are sure to be times of trial in your life, and what really defines your spirit is your reaction to those times.

It has been a rough couple of months for my family, and it shook me to the core. I turned to God for guidance through it all, and prayed for the strength to learn from the experiences.

Now that the dark tunnel seems to be ending for now, I can say that my spirit is that much more resilient and I am standing strong in faith.

Life and loss go hand in hand, and we need to remember that there will be a party in heaven after we leave this life. I firmly believe that and pray that I will be good enough in this life to deserve that kind of welcome.

My son was given to me as a gift and a great responsibility. Each day he teaches me something new about humility and reminds me of the important things in this life. I need him just as much as he needs me. I thnak God for him and for my family and friends who make this life a little brighter and fuller...

Life Lessons

We have lived on our own in the desert oasis of Las Vegas since we got married in 2002. For the most part, it has been great. We really had to muddle through some rough times together, with nowhere to 'run'. What we learned from that experience is multi-faceted. Suffice it to say that we have figured a few things out.

1) Family is like a wishing stone in your pocket: always there, but not really appreciated until you take the time to notice it and rely on it.

2) Distance does make the heart grow fonder, but it's the 'in-your-face' moments that really define a relationship.

3) Life is full of twists and turns and you better be prepared for a wild ride. There is no such thing as predictable. Things you didn't think you could live without are sometimes the last things you miss in the end.

4) NOTHING is permanent. Pain is an inevitability in this life, but God made no promises when he made this world. We have to work through the good and the difficult and come out the better for it. When you think you can't get through another minute, turn your eyes to heaven and remember that He loves you and only wants the very best for you. That 'best' may not be in thie life, but the next, so keep your chin up and keep the faith.

5) Spend your time worrying about others and you won't notice all of the little things that are going wrong in your own life. It's true: someone really does have it worse than you.

6) Be thankful for what you do have, because you never know when it may all be taken from you. God does not make mistakes. Everything in your life is there for a reason. Think about it.

7) Our families are a support beam in our foundation. Families can be more than just parents or siblings. They can consist of extended family members, friends, or even an entire island community (like in our case). You DO NOT know who you are unless you know where you are coming from.

8) Don't be so quick to use your tongue. Hurtful words can often be worse than actions. If someone is loyal to you, it should be possible to have a difficult conversation without bitterness. If there is consistent judgement, maybe growth has pushed you in different directions. Holding back your true feelings can also lead to a deep cavern that gets larger every day. One day, you may not be able to cross it at all.

9) Don't go to bed angry. Never take it for granted that you or someone else will awaken tomorrow. None of us knows God's plan fully, and you may not get the chance to tell someone directly that you didn't mean something that you said or did. This is more for you than them, because I believe that Heaven doesn't allow for negative feelings to dwell in our hearts.

10) Forgive, but you don't necessarily need to forget. Sometimes, a memory can teach you what not to do the next time around. Focus on the lessons moreso than the feelings.

As a wife, new mother, friend, sister, daughter, niece, etc., I treasure this the most: "We start and end with family."

Real Love

It's been seven years. Since what, you ask? Since I married my best friend. It was a small wedding, but an eventful day.

Seven years later, I wonder about only one thing: what will the next seven be like? Every day is a new adventure. I am a rigid and tradition-loving person, who has been softened by my husband's spontaneity. After all of this time, I am grateful. God sent me a person who matches my needs and challenges me every day to be a better person.

I don't like to say that there have been ups and downs. Each day is a new beginning and we have spent the last ten years becoming more comfortable with one another and appreciating our differences and strengths. I love my husband more than ever, and I am ready for whatever God decides to send our way, because we are in it together. There has never been a better team, I assure you. There are no lies and no secrets. My husband knows me more than anyone and I trust him with my life.

Love...it's a journey.

Celebrating Mothers

As Mother's Day 2009 approaches, I feel it necessary to point out the obvious - being a mother is a 24-hour, 7-day-a-week job. In fact, it never ends. So, why do we only celebrate mother's day once a year? In order to get my answer, I did what I do best: research.

In our modern times, Anna Jarvis was striving to honor her own mother, and unknowingly began a commercial staple on our calendar. The worst part is that we turned a beautiful day into a reason to 'buy' things. It's not the buying that I have a problem with. It's the mindless buying. Not every mother wants a necklace with all of the family birthstones on it; or a bouquet of flowers that a million other women will be receiving.

I for one, want one thing: to spend the day with my family and enjoying the whole reason for my honor: my son.

My advice to dads and other family members out there: take the time to find out what the moms in your life REALLY want. Is it sleep? A day off to window-shop? You might be surprised by the answer. If your 'mom' wants flowers, great. But, at least make an effort to truly find out. Remember that 'moms' are more than just a biological mother or grandmother. Look around you and you will find so many women in your life that have in some way been influential or supportive.

And, as Father's Day approaches, you can be sure that I will be returning the favor to my beloved husband. He has never been one for celebrations like these, which makes it all the more exciting for me.

To all the 'moms' out there: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Becoming ME

It has become painfully obvious to me that I hold on to pain and allow it to eat me up inside. Things from my childhood haunt me and occurrences from recent years still burn a hole in my thoughts.

I don't think that it's necessarily a bad thing that I feel so much. But, when you put other people ahead of yourself and allow everything in, it has a lasting effect.

I was always an emotional child; the one to give hugs and cry when an animal passed way. That is not something I can really change. After much soul-searching and prayer, I have come up with a theory.

God has a plan for each of us and lessons he wishes us to learn. In the end, it is the most important aspect of your life. I believe that my Heavenly Father intends for me to live a life of feelings and empathy. At times, that may mean that I go through a painful emotion, but one should be willing to take the bad with the good.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt said it best.

I have to stop living my life based on what others may think or feel about my choices. I do what I think is right, and I don't think that I am a mean person who sets out to hurt others. In trying to live like others and be strong, I have lost myself.

In coming back to 'me', I am embracing my emotions and pain, and allowing myself to feel again; to work through my thoughts and apologize to no one for it.

I don't want to be an angry person, and I believe that my Father in heaven is trying to help me get back to my path. "Life's a journey, not a destination...But, how far can you fly with broken wings?" The answer is, as high as your imagination and faith will take you....

My Birthday Celebration

When Jason told me that he had something special planned for me, I have to admit that I was a little scared. My husband is NOT a planner in any way, and that's been true throughout our entire relationship (over a decade). But, I smiled graciously, and said, "sounds great, honey". Inside, I was thinking "oh dear... let's just see what happens..."

I know that doesn't sound very trusting, but if you know Jason, you can understand my hesitation. He is a driver, a doer; not a planner. You tell him the plan and he will get it done. Usually, I make all of the arangements and he makes sure we follow through.

This is what makes our relationship work.

So, here it is, a whole month ahead of my birthday, and he already has plans?!?!

Flash forward to February 26th, two days before my birthday. We have dinner reservations at a lovely romantic restaurant, Kai is at our friends' house, and a big surprise awaits me later in the evening. Can I say that I was SHOCKED?!?!

No, I was very pleasantly surprised. It felt so special and sweet, because my husband had actually taken time to create a schedule of events, arrange child care, and ensure that we stuck to our plans. All of this for me? I hate people fussing over me. Maybe that's why I decided on a small wedding. But, I have to admit, after a year of dirty diapers and food stains on my clothes, dressing up for a nice night out was AMAZING. I didn't realize how much I really missed spending alone time with my husband until that night.

Dinner was truly great. I didn't have one single complaint. The food was delicious, the service was perfect, and the setting was exactly what I would have wanted.

After dinner, we had to rush to our big surprise. As we were driving, Jason pulls into his breast jacket pocket, and pulls out tickets. For what, you ask?

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.....

My chin hit the floor. I have been wanting to see this show since they announced it was coming to Las Vegas, and we just never found the right combination of money and time.

By the end of the night, I was a mess. It was a bombardment of romance and love all night, and I just wanted to curl up with my hubby and cry. He truly thought about what I would have wanted out of the night.

This is why I love my husband. He can be a stereotypical man sometimes, only seeing his own needs. Then, every once in a while, he shows his soft, gooey core -the part that reassures me that he really does love and care for me.

To sum up... It was a great birthday!

My son

The jokester in the house thinks that he is the cutest thing on God's green earth. No matter what happens or what he does, you almost always have to fight back laughter. That's not to say that I let him see that, though. He does not need to know that his tantrums are cute or acceptable. This is just a short blog to say how much I love my son and his little antics. Here are a few pics....

Jason's Birthday

I LOVE birthdays and Christmas. They are my most favorite occasions of the year. They can take Valentine's Day and all of the other commercial junk off of the calendar, and I would still be happy.

My husband's birthday is really special to me for many reasons. I feel as though our lives together and my life on its own would have been SO different if Jason had never been born. I have always felt a special connection to him on that day, and I have never really known why. Now, I think I completely understand.

February 4th of every year is a reminder of how much God loves me. He sent me a man who loved and protected me like a brother, and that love grew over time to become so much more. He sent me an imperfect angel, who needs me as much as I need him. We continue to learn and grow together each day, and for that, I am grateful.

This year, I didn't go all out like I wanted to. At first, I had all of these grand schemes, but I remembered that my humble husband doesn't like to be fussed over. Then, I thought about everyone who is struggling around the world and right here in Las Vegas. So, I pared it down a little. I used simple decorations and we had pizza and ice cream with the little man, Kai.

The funny thing is, it was probably one of the best birthday parties I have ever hosted, because my husband and son were delighted with everything. It was a simple reminder of the important things in life: love, family, and the supreme nature of God.

Life as it stands...

Okay, so it has been months since my last post. I have been so ridiculously busy that I have almost left the house without brushing my hair. What can I say? Being a mom, who is alone with a one-year-old most of the time, has been VERY overwhelming.

I love my boys more than life itself. But once every few weeks, I would love a break. There are three days out of every week where Jason doesn't even see the baby. He leaves before the baby is awake, and comes home after 'night-night'. Those days are the ones that make me want to rip my hair out.

I keep telling myself that things will change and improve if we just work together. Each day passes and I don't really see any difference, which is frustrating.

My resolution this year is three-fold: 1)Be more healthy, 2)Spend more time with my boys, and 3)Do whatever it takes so Jason can cut down to one job.

So far, things are not really going as planned and it is taking its toll on me.

I am exhausted, trying to keep up with work, home, Kai, bills, Cinnamon..... the list just keeps growing. Before I have a nervious breakdown, something has to give.

My husband works so much because he has to, and I absolutely get that. That's why I don't ask him for much, but it is becoming stressful to do it all alone. So, here is my solution.....

We need to develop a rhythm all our own, and stick to it, so everyone feels supported and has time to rest. This weekend will be the beginning of this effort. It is absolutely not an ultimatum of any kind, because I think that those kinds of demands are unfair to your relationship. My goal is to work on what I believe in: our love and family. And, hope that everything goes as planned.

I do not think that my battle is unique. Most of my female friends have similar concerns. Love will conquer all, IF you put in the work. After ten years together and years of being friends on top of that, I love Jason more than I could explain to anyone. I think it's worth every effort I have in me to try to make our relationship better.